Longing to see You

I desire to see You and I am looking forward to witnessing how you make your essence visible.

I wish to see You unobscured by awkward layers, sizes, colors, patterns, prints and I don't want to walk by not noticing you in your cloak of invisibility. I love it when I notice that you see me, my self shining forth, naked and adorned simultaneously.

Wear Mastery Strategies: Dyeing Clothes

In the process of cleaning out my closet I have found pieces of clothing, which were too pale, like the wrong skin color beige or too bright white on me. If everything else worked (the style, material, size) I dyed them darker into some of my colors. It was a satisfying alchemical experience and felt like baking my own bread.  The colors, especially navy and burgundy shades extended the use of the pieces of clothing. I did consider the chemicals in the dye and the pollution involved and reasoned that I would only use dyes sparingly. My girlfriend dyed a velvet silk scarf for me attempting navy and it ended up to be the color of my eyes. What a precious gift.

Throughout history some ingredients used by artists to paint or dye clothes were more valuable than gold. Victoria Finlay wrote Color. A Natural History of the Palette, in which we can read about the sources and stories of the beautiful colors used to enrich our world. 

Energy, Love, Attention instead of Effort

Every day we have the choice of what and how much we are doing with our appearance. Even if we simply cover our body with fabrics, we always create an outfit. I appreciate it, when the people I encounter have put some thought and effort into the way they look. It feels and looks like 'more' and therefore radiates abundance and love. The word 'effort' doesn't feel as inspiring as putting 'energy' and 'love' into my appearance. And creating an outfit doesn't have to be an effort at all.

A little energy, attention and love will show and influence everyone we will encounter and our own state of mind in a positive way.

Beauty

There is only beauty behind me.

Only beauty before me.

Cree Song

According to Dionysus , beauty is order: symmetry with supreme lucidity.' Beauty being archetypal order, is begotten intellectually, not calculated empirically, and the language of symbols is consequently precise, not arbitrary - a matter of truths not tasks. In beauty is found the harmonious symmetry between being and knowing, love and knowledge.  

(A Treasury of Traditional Wisdom. Whitall N. Perry, page 660.)

Just white

Today I am wearing all white. This happens very rarely, actually only when I attend a WHITE TANTRIC YOGA event, part of the Kundalini Yoga path, which has enriched my life for decades. Yogi Bhajan recommended his students to wear white because it automatically enhances your aura, the electromagnetic field by 20 inches, as it reflects the light. Therefore it increases your radiance. From 19-23 years I was wearing white exclusively. I was living in a big city and it actually felt really great and it was easy.

There are many different shades of white and today I see once more that white looks great on some people and just like any other color overpowers or undermines others. A general recommendation is not to wear a white, which is whiter than your teeth or the white of your eyes.

I started wearing more colors and even black, when I moved to CA and HI. It probably had to do with the weather and taking years to figure out American washing mashines. When I had a baby I stopped wearing white. 

What is your story with 'white' clothing?

Black and White always works…is that true?

This is one of those persistent fashion statements, which does not work for everyone. Black and white are the highest form of contrast (see Reinventing Your Style by Jennifer Butler/www.jenniferbutlercolor.com) and for some people it overpowers them like a very bold color. This has to do with one's native contrast. People who don't have much contrast between their eyes, hair and skin are better off with lower contrast levels.

So black in combination with white does not work well for a lot of people and then black or white alone may not be the most advantageous either. For the next days check your and other people's wardrobe and tune into blacks and whites on people. See if you are first drawn to look at the white and black or at their face and overall appearance. 

Slightly Off

Once I realize that a piece of my wardrobe is even only slightly off, I no longer feel comfortable and strong in it. Comparing it with eating, it just doesn't taste right and is reduced to fulfilling a function. Slightly off is subtle: the print is not quite right, the color a bit too pale or strong, the neckline to narrow or deep. When asked about a slightly off outfit, I would say it is not horrible or it is okay. Who wants to wear just okay or not horrible?

My lowest value on what I wear is nice. Followed by:

pretty, sweet, smart, beautiful, very nice, very beautiful, elegant, artistic.  

The next step up is described as:

gorgeous, fabulous, fantastic, hot, great, incredible, terrific, perfect, stunning, outrageously beautiful.

When you describe what you are wearing, use a word for your whole appearance, because sometimes individual items need to be rated quite differently.

What to wear to show off my hair

This is the question, which propelled me to dive into the vast field of clothing. As a holistic hairdresser, I have been consulted endless times about the right hair color. My advice is simple:

-Stay with your natural hair color.

-If you get gray hair and are unhappy about it, color your hair back to your natural hair color, possibly with non-chemical hair colors.

Perhaps you have a need for variety, adventure, change or enjoy experimenting. These needs can be fulfilled in many other ways, which are not as permanent, potentially damaging and compromising your appearance.

A new lipstick can do the trick. Don't get your hair colored because you feel emotionally down or bored. It rarely helps those conditions.

If you feel the desire to change your hair color, address your wardrobe.

Most importantly to accentuate the beauty of your hair:

*Check what colors you currently wear and how they make your hair look.

*Play with the contrast effect. For example if you have dark hair, it will look darker, when you wear lighter clothes. If you have a few grays, a light gray, white color may increase a pale, grayish look whereas a darker gray or black add more presence to the hair.

*Wear your eye color and the hair color to create harmonious appearances.

*Match the texture and the volume of your hair with your clothes. If you have fine silky hair don't overpower it with heavy knits. If you have a curly mane, add layers and textures to you clothing, so the hair doesn't overpower your appearance.

Wear Mastery Strategies: Backpacks, Bags, Purses

Bags, Purses, Baskets, Clutches, Computer bags, Suitcases, Briefcases, Fanny Bags and Backpacks are all part of our wardrobe. These accessories have the power to complement, beautify and distort an outfit. These are my personal guidelines beyond practicality and functionality:

*Does the pattern and color match the outfit? 

*Does the style match me?

*Does the item have the right size for my body type? Example: Avoid tiny purses on large bodies and huge purses on tiny bodies.

*What does the item do to my silhouette? Worst examples: Wearing a backpack when you are not on a hike (creates a large hump) or a fanny pack when you are not traveling (creates an extra belly).       

From Bottom to Top: The right length for dresses, coats, skirts, shorts

We can determine the right length for dresses, coats and skirts and shorts with the help of four criteria:

*what looks best on our body

* what feels right on your body

*what is appropriate for the occasion

*what is appropriate for our age.

In the TV show What not to wear a sign is displayed, which says NO MINI SKIRTS AFTER 35!

First I thought that this was too strict, I was sure that some women over 35 would look good in a mini skirt. A couple of years later I have yet to meet that woman and I saw plenty where it did look too girlie, to vulgar and not flattering for the woman's figure.

The beach would be an occasion to wear a wrap around type of mini skirt I can imagine for myself right now and perhaps as a lingerie item.

Feeling the right length of a piece of clothing takes just a moment. Close your eyes and feel where the length of the piece touches you, when you stand and walk. Most of us are very aware of what feels right and not. The other day I tried on a friend's knitted coat and it was gorgeous, style wise and color wise but I was too long on me, felt heavy and cumbersome.

Thirdly, how does the length of the skirt look on your body? Take a photo of yourself in the outfit. We can see the harmony of proportions much better in a photo than in the mirror. We can also see how the line of a skirt or coat accentuates our legs, knees, or hips and decide what looks best. Often a piece of clothing just needs to be shortened a bit to be brought up to date and to look great on you.

Relationships and Clothes: Color Reactions

People like a color on us either because they recognize how the color suits us or they like to look at the color and feast on its frequency. Vice versa if they don't like a color on us, it is because the color is overpowering or undermining us or because they have a story about that specific color and don't enjoy absorbing it visually.

I heard a clerk in a grocery store telling the customer ahead of me: "I hate wearing brown, it reminds me of my grandmother's attic."  I couldn't stand the generalization, especially because she had shiny brown hair, which would indicate that wearing brown for her would be quite flattering. When it was my turn, I said: "There are probably a thous

and different shades of brown out there. Do you hate all of them?" She started to think and we talked a bit more.

A client of mine has a big story around the color orange. Her father worked for a waste management company and that was the color of his work clothes.

I wear quite often charcoal gray. It is a formal color for me. I feel seen and respected when wearing it. People compliment me less when I am wearing gray and much more when I wear red or pink tones or navy and blues.

Which size?

Did you notice that the sizes that fit you seem to get lower in the number but you know you did not get skinnier? The industry caught on to the very curious consumer preference years ago and reacted with what is called 'vanity sizing.' This appeals to women and men who prefer wearing and consequently buying more flattering sizes. People who were wearing jeans size 8, now can fit into size 4.

On the other hand some clothes are getting smaller, the jeans size 8, which you wore for years now is a 10 or 12, which feels as if you got bigger. Often the larger sizes are more costly and the higher price is justified with the use of more material. 

It helps to get acquainted with the sizes of certain brands, which fit your body well and to develop an eye for your measurements on a hanging piece of clothing.

We can no longer rely on the numbers printed on the labels. They are just numbers and they are not displayed on the outside! 

Wardrobe Psychology: Becoming a mother

For a few years after I had my daughter I did not care much about clothes. My body had changed. Playing with little children made the clothes get dirty faster. Nursing dictated to some extend what I was wearing or not and there were a few days when I didn't have the alone time to take a shower. Learning to be less judgmental of other mothers is one of my most cherished lessons from that time.  Before I became a mother I couldn't understand how some women couldn't seem to get it together and let themselves go like that. Now I have more compassion and understanding for myself and other mothers.  And I also have noticed that not every mother neglects her appearance, which is directly linked to her priorities, values and knowledge. 

I would do things differently now. If I had to basically wear exercise outfits for a couple of years again, I would at least make sure, they look great on me. Truth is, I hadn't found my style before having a child and in becoming a mother I certainly didn't either. 

Relationships and Clothes: Getting too comfortable or holding up your standard

In the dating phase of a relationship people tend show their best selves in their best clothes. Then once two people have seen each other without clothes a certain comfort level may settle in. I find this desirable and relaxing to a certain point. 

When women and men put less energy into their appearance compared to what they used to, it feels like a let down. Now that I conquered you, you are mine and I don't need to work so hard anymore to get you.

Pretty dresses are exchanged for sweats and t-shirts. Shirts are not ironed and look faded.

Ultimately we dress for ourselves. This viewpoint reflects a paradigm shift in relating to one another beyond unconscious codependent patterns. This is me in my clothes. This is who I am and how I take care of myself according to my highest standards. 

Wardrobe Psychology: Mothers mean well

I immigrated to the United States almost two decades ago. My parents and I mailed each other many packages and my mother sent me a lot of clothes, which at one point I realized only hit the spot by 10%. I couldn't stand the waste and created a color and style palette, in which I specified what I like and don't like and sent it to her. Now the percentage of what I liked from the clothing gifts skyrocketed to 90%. 

Mom doesn't always know best. And we shouldn't be wearing the clothes she gifts us out of politeness or obedience. I did the math in regards to my daughter, knowing that I (and her grandmother) will buy her clothes for many years to come.  I took her to Jennifer Butler, color consultant in LA, a true living master (www.jenniferbutlercolor.com) and had her palette done, when she was 9 years old. The investment is a tiny fraction of what three generations of women would have spent on her over time on mispurchases.

Wear Mastery Strategies: Choosing the right colors

There are thousands of different colors available to choose from. They are all special and beautiful by themselves. A color either matches us, our pigmentation (skin, hair, eyes, lips) and energy level or it overpowers our appearance (one sees  the color over you) or undermines it (one sees your face but the rest sort of fades). Check in what category the colors in your wardrobe fall. 

Colors are chosen for therapeutic reasons. A color brings certain memories, has symbolic meaning or seems to give us energy. Compliments have a strong influence on our color choices. Often one person telling us that they like the color we are wearing can

 make us choose that color more often. What if the person is at

tracted to the color personally or just wanted to say something nice?

Weather plays a role in our color choices as well. In a cold and rainy season we might crave lighter and bolder colors. In the spring and summer we go lighter and in autumn and winter darker. We also wear darker colors for evening occasions and shimmering fabrics and accessories in harmony with the night sky. 

Nightgowns and Pajamas

One weak spot in my otherwise very happy wardrobe are nightgowns. For years now I have been going through the nightgown sections of department stores and specialty lingerie stores in Hawai'i, California and Germany, like Victoria Secret shaking my head in utter disappointment. It is a bit similar to the 'cute and funny socks,' which seem to make some people happy (see previous blog entry). The prints of nightgowns are cute, like little flowers, hearts and teddy bears and some have funny jokes on them. And there are not necessarily made out of cotton on top of that. Then there is a crass opposition to the 'sexier' nightgowns, the ones that shine and glimmer and have thin straps. Those appeal to me visually more but most of them are 100% made out of polyester (even more expensive lines) and they can't warm the shoulders and arms, when sleeping. I have observed a whole range of compromises my girlfriends and clients have chosen to wear at night. Oversized t-shirts, sorted out t-shirts, sweat pants, flannel gowns…washed out and in my opinion hideous patterns and colors. They mostly fulfilled one criterion. They would cover the skin. 

I see my ideal nightgown in front of my eyes, therefore I trust that it will manifest, even if I will have it custom-tailored. It is really a simple design: basically a t-shirt with long sleeves, which covers the thighs in one color or print, which I like.

Wear Mastery Strategies:Avoiding the baggy look

Covering up love handles, bellies and other body parts judged as too flabby with larger clothing adds even more volume to one's appearance. Fitted clothing always makes you look slimmer, even if some of your body forms show. 

I say "too baggy" and the response is "but it is comfortable." Is that really true for you? Extra layers of fabrics molding and folding around you? Does it not sometimes feel slightly cumbersome? Like walking around in a blanket, which you might trip over?

I do understand that there may be an emotional need of wanting to hide. I had those moments and oversize clothes fulfill that requirement.  

Nowadays we do have stretchy fabrics woven into jeans, dresses and tops and fitted clothing is much more comfortable than it used to be decades ago.

Cutting or not cutting those labels off

The other day my ten-year-old daughter and I were standing in line behind a woman whose label stuck out of the back of her top. We looked at each other and discussed discreetly whether we should say something or not. We decided not to and had to keep looking at this little eyesore. 

I cut my daughter's and my labels out, because they itch us and I don't want to risk their unwanted appearance.

Those labels are mandatory and perhaps guarantee a potential resale value. They pretend to give information on the size, which can be useful. This is another separate topic, because I own clothing from size 2 to size 14 right now, all of which fits perfectly. 

My mother takes the time to dismantle the labels completely, neatly with a special tool. I am going to make a point of doing that too, only with clothing, which has an obvious front or back.

Aloha Shirts

In the early 80's during my teenage years I actually found an aloha shirt, a Hawaii Shirt, how we call them in Germany, in a boutique near Hamburg's harbor. My peers and I dressed a bit like the 50's and so this was a perfect addition. With this shirt I connected to a dream, a different culture and time.  

When I immigrated to the States and then landed on the islands, the aloha shirts and Hawaiian prints were very attractive to me and I enjoyed looking at them. Now after 13 years living on the islands I have learned to discriminate between wearing a symbol and wearing something, which actually looks great as well. I am noticing the difference in aloha shirt styles. The author of the article states, what I think: "who after a certain age actually looks good in an Aloha Shirt?"  Often the print and the colors are too overpowering and one just sees the shirt and not the person. Then the print pattern and the colors may not match the person's skin tone and features either.  I live here and am immersed in Hawaiian culture, so I don't need to wear Hawaiian prints. There are many solutions to taking Hawaii's amazing energy into the world: photos, the spirit of Aloha, art…consider an Aloha Shirt as just one option. 

Great article on the history of the Aloha Shirt:

www.coffeetimes.com/aloha.htm

Wear Mastery Strategies: Secondhand Vibrations

I wear secondhand clothing from people I know and don't know. Everything, which comes into my house new or secondhand gets washed anyhow. The new pieces often are chemically coated and the secondhand ones possibly too.  From my many years of experiences with energies, through healing and therapy and work, I find that washing secondhand clothing with cold water clears other people's vibrations off. The only thing I don't wear secondhand are shoes. One of my yoga teachers recommended 'not to walk in another person's shoes because you may take on their karmic path.' Now that could be good or not… there is something to it. Shoes get molded and adapt to one's feet. Other people's shoes really absorb something from their soul.